Are you really that racist?

November 6, 2009 at 8:24 pm (arranged marriage, Ethics, Just a thought ..., Opinion, Qatari culture, Society)

A question crossed my mind few weeks ago, while I was chatting with my sister. She was telling my a story about one of her friends. I don’t know why I decided to write about this now, but I just want to get your opinion.  The issue might be sensitive, and might bother some, but it is real and exists in our society. It is actually two main issues. Here is the story, and after reading it, you can understand which issue I am referring to. I won’t make any comments, I will just tell you the story.

Sarah is a beautiful young Qatari woman; she is an engineer and is very successful at work. She comes from a very good family, moderately rich, educated and open minded. She lives her life to the full, but she has a secret that was tormenting her for the past few months. A new guy came to work at her department and she fell in love with him. She was observing how he behaved with his colleagues, how he spoke, how he took good care of his image and health. How rare, she thought, he is so different.  Sarah is very confident, yet shy. She never dared to approach him, or show her feelings. However, with time, she noticed that he was noticing her too. Her heart would flutter like a bird whenever he spoke to her. The thing is, Sarah did not know that Ahmed, the one who she is in love with, is also in love with her. He had butterflies in his stomach every time he sees her or smells her perfume. Sarah wants to marry and settle and so does Ahmed. And finally, the day came when Ahmed told her that he would like to come and propose to her. Of course, Sarah did not show that she was about to faint as she heard him utter these words. She just said that she will think about it, and that he should speak to her family if he was serious.

Sarah flew home, everything was light, everyone seemed nice, even the heat of Doha seemed so easy to handle. How would she tell her father though? She can’t tell him that the guy spoke to her directly, so she decided to say that a friend of hers tld her about him. So, she sat both her parents in the living room and told them the good news. “My friend called me today and said that there is a man , works in our company, is interested and wants to propose to me. He saw me several times and asked about me”. Her parents couldn’t be happier; they asked her “really? That is good news, what is his name?”. “Ahmed al-****” answered Sarah. Her parents suddenly were dead silent. Sarah did not like this reaction. She looked at them as they were looking at each other looking surprised,  and asked “What is wrong?”. Her dad said “he is not suitable for us”. Sarah was confused, us? “Why isn’t he suitable, you did not even know what his job is, whether he was educated or not, rich or not”. Her dad said firmly, “his name is enough, he is not from a family that we would consider for affinity”.  Sarah then realized the reality she lived in, how discriminatory her society is, even against each other. Her mother said “They have Persian blood mixed in them, they are not pure Arab”. Sarah felt furious, she said irritated “That was hundreds of years ago, aren’t they Arab who went to Persia and came back? Didn’t they live here for a long time, didn’t they grow up here, worked and ate on this land, what makes them so different or not suitable for marriage, and what are we, created from a different material? Aren’t we all Muslims? What does this matter? I thought that you would ask about his morals, his reputation, his education, not how many races he has in his blood?” . Her dad said “well my dear, society doesn’t work this way, what would we tell people?”. Sarah got up at this point and said firmly “society are not going to live my life, it’s me who is going to live it”. As she was leaving the room, her dad said “ok, let’s ask about him, he might be a good man”. Sarah said “what is the point, you rejected him before you even know anything about him, how prejudice”, she then said “it’s funny how everyone interfere in this decision, how everyone must give his blessings and approval for my marriage, while it’s me, only me and the person I will marry who will be in this marriage, who will live this life together”.

47 Comments

  1. Homme Du Qatar said,

    Dear Mimi,

    I will tell you what I know from reading, and this is something you might already know. let’s hope someone else would comment on that issue, as it is a serious one that’s hunted our society only in the last decades, and only appears back before islam during the era of Abu Jahel and his followers the ones back then and now! Marriage was simply a social tool to create a political bond amongst tribes, that is unusually accompanied with economic rent in now a days sense.

    Funny story today was my sister’s engagement “melcha” and my mum was talking about the sheikh, religous man, who came to legalize the wedding, my spankin’ new family in law brought the sheik from their town, which was from XYZ family, the documents were signed first at the men Majlis, welcoming guest room, then taking to the women’s majlis, for my sister to sign it. Then my mum said, no way our sheik would have agreed to that. I was like what do you mean, i thought all is fine. She said, our sheik from ABC family would have demanded that my sister need to be present and he hears her saying the words of agreement more than once. this is just a fun story, but surely there are people, even conservative who believe and support in women’s rights, especially when it comes to choosing a spouse. So, it’s not really a religious thing, but a tradition that came from a false belief of superiority, if you remember religous studies at school the first sin ever committed against god was ignorance when Lucifer refused to bow in front of adam, casue he thought he was better. I’m not a religous guru. but it’s unfortunate to see people falling for the whole, what would people say about us? my god, I had a friend, supposedly from an extremely superior family or so they would like to claim, who talked like that, and he made a similar racist comment about how the same people and how unpure their blood is, so I told him, yes it’s very obvious that purity is the issue here, and it’s more obvious that they are the unpure ones, you can see it in their arabic noses, and long eyelashes, and they pretty much look all the same, they stock together in history where you don’t know yours, (sarcastically) sure they are the ones who get married by the numbers and have uncles from lebanon, and cousins from syria, and curly hair, with american brother in law, you are so funny that non of your cousins look a like and you are talking about something you don’t even have. I love all races, and I have no hate against any human being, but you are disgustingly pure with arrogance and of course no self-esteem! It’s really scary when I meet people who are prejudice and they were entrusted with high positions in the country. you wonder if this is a way to keep themselves there, or so they can feel better about themselves. Still, there is nothing wrong about knowing where you came from, but there is much wrong in rubbing it against a person’s face.

    ahhhhh.. I could talk forever about this.. I wish I never read the history of Qatar by Fawaz al-Attiya, whose citizenship was taking for telling the truth. if you can find the book, it’s a treasure, since the government bought every published copy and destroyed it. good luck hunting..

  2. B. said,

    Kudos to you for bringing up an often hushed up but socially relevant issue nonetheless..

    My 2 cents worth..

    This is indeed a prejudiced, archaic mentality IMHO, but one that is still prevalent in our society, unfortunately, even amongst those who claim otherwise. In fact, I can attest to the fact that my own immediate and distant relatives share this outlook, which is based on tribal affiliations.

    I find it ironic, not to mention contradictory, how so many people supposedly live these virtuous lifestyles and proclaim to uphold Islamic values and principles, least of which is compassion towards others, when they so easily discriminate towards fellow Muslims, much less heir own countrymen, based on something as trivial as family name!

    However, objectively speaking, I have to admit that within the context of our society, one has to take into account the cultural practices that pervade the innermost fabric of our society. We are after all a country based on tribal affiliations, often marrying into our own or other well known families for any number of reasons, such as preserving the bloodline, promoting familial ties between certain tribes, convenience, arranged marriages…etc. Although this practice might not necessarily hold any weight in regards to Islamic teachings, I cannot deny that the overruling majority in my society chose to practice this custom and are seemingly content with preserving it, like they have already done for so many years. Of course, like anywhere else, things are changing quickly and there are exceptions to the rule depending on any number of factors, such as how liberal and tolerant the family of said person is, or perhaps the person would like to free themselves from these cultural shackles placed upon them and instead prefer to marry someone of their own choosing, then on the other hand there are those who accept and are even content with fulfilling their family’s or cultural expectations.

    It is a complicated issue IMHO but one that needs further exploring..

  3. Qatari Guy said,

    I am not racist, but based on what i see (and i may not be seeing the big picture), marriage from two different races is not, in most cases, very successful or at least not as it was hoped for, that doesn’t mean that these marriages end up with divorce.

    The society put these rules for a reason, we may not see it now while we are still young, but we will definitely feel it later on and probably wish that time goes back and we never made this decision. I am not saying one race is better than another, we are all Qatari, and even more importantly, we are all muslims, in fact, some of the families that are originally Persian are here even more than the arab families who mostly came from Saudi Arabia.

    I think it is just the life style and mentalities that differ, again i am not saying one is better or worse than the other, i am just saying that are different and this difference will very likely cause many conflicts and misunderstandings that can’t be fixed.

    I believe that when it comes to marriage, emotions are very important, but they are half the story, we should also think ahead and see how our life may be in 10 years time, which is a very hard prediction. The marriage decision is probably the most significant in which the rest of our life will be based upon, so we better make it right.

    • Gha. said,

      but marriages between the same tribes in most cases are arranged and making them not successful in essence, the husband and wife may not be seperated because of fmaily pressure of course. but surely when someone chooses ur life partner for you doesn’t make you very happy. race have nothing to do with marriage success but its failure depends on how much you follow what society tells you to do and that’s selling respect on individual freedom granted by god himself.

  4. Angie Nader said,

    well…
    i think sarah should marry ahmed🙂

  5. Homme Du Qatar said,

    B. I really liked the the first points you are making, and I have question for the 3rd paragraph, if the innermost fabric of our society is based on tribal prejudice does it still make it justifiable? Isn’t a reason for a lot of problems in our own country, the same roots for centralizing power and misallocating of under-qualified folks with family names and qualified people who are being oppressed. Let’s note that above 70% of Qataris are still in the public sector, making this a state wide phenomena and not limited to women rights to choose their spouse. And the reasons mentioned do not justify its continuity, bloodline, the last time I held a sword was at my brother’s wedding not infront of Abu Hunaifa’s tent getting ready to attack, or we are still conducting primitive professions which were dangerous and deadly to maintain the blood line! Those family ties were only promoted in the pearling era and after oil production too maintain a form of group identity and protecting their economic interests, those were not my words, but the generation which lived the transformation of Qatar. Political families to Political families, Merchants to Merchants, Nomads to Nomads, Slaves to Slaves, and so forth, but if the matter only had a social impact it’s fine, but it’s worse when it comes to many aspects of economics and finance, which many people are not having equal rights to land, to promotions, other social state benefits that not distributed equally but rather, his cousin, his cousin’s cousin, then his cousin’s cousin’s cousin.. I do not think a country could expect to be a leader in the region, which what they propagate, and carry own such values.
    And Qatari Guy, I do agree with you and disagree, it’s also fair to say that many marriages ( specially from the same family) were unsuccessful also, and we are not talking about race, we are talking about tribes, but for you that is race, thus you are a racist in your analogy . Sorry, but someone need to point that one out, and you need to look into yourself before questioning others, I don’t mean to be harsh but think of a friend who tells the truth rather than lie to you to make you happy.. sorry my friend, I really would like to know the differences between the different tribes, I thought they all shared the same culture, tradition, in this case marriages, and differ only in the origins of their profession, nomad who was mainly a Sheppard of different Cattles, Fishermen and Merchants who are Arabs that have sea knowledge, and so forth, even our Ruling family was choosen because they were known for their modesty and high religious values, and not because of their tribal origins as pure! The only difference that could cause conflicts in such situations are the prejudice of the family and the racist members, and if that’s the case, why many old prestigious men get married with Lebanese, Syrian, and let’s not forget the old time favorite Egyptian, and the secret black ones. Yes, I know that Qatari Guys really should base their decision on pure blood and listen to their parents, extended family, and societal pressure, and that definitely will make some of their self insecurities vanish and increase your social status (sarcastically!)
    “Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without, and know we cannot live within…”

    • Qatari Guy said,

      I emphasize that i am not racist, and although i come from an arabic origin, most of my friends are not even arab. i should apologize for unintentionally using the word ‘race’ in the wrong context.

      Yes we live together, yes we share the same society, but no we don’t share the same traditions, and this is very obvious from the different life styles we have — although i admit that this gap is rapidly shrinking.

      Arab ‘tribes’ (happy?) are slightly less open-minded (and there are many definitions for open-minded) which is exactly where the problem lies. Other tribes are raised on a particular life style that for the mind of arab tribes is wrong (and vise versa). In fact, no matter how hard people try to oversee these life-style differences, there will be a point in the marriage life where this will come back to either spouse.

      I don’t support cross-tribes marriage only because they are raised on different principles, and again don’t misinterrupt my words, i am not saying a set of principle is better, all i am saying they are DIFFERENT! And yes, marriage problems can still happen in marriage of the same tribe or family, but (evidently) with much less severity because they don’t mess with the fundamentals since the fundamentals are almost identical.

      • Homme Du Qatar said,

        I respect your answer, but I would like to elaborate more in details about ‘same traditions’, ‘different life styles’, ‘open minded’ I really don’t see any noteworthy difference and where do these two connect, but again I’m asking you to enlighten me? Especially on the part where you said ‘Other tribes are raised on a particular life style that for the mind of arab tribes is wrong’ what do you base this phrase on, do you have an evidence, an example maybe?

        I just think that you are emphasizing something that only holds truth in your mind, that is an opinion and has no bases in reality? all tribes, alhakma, albado, alehwila, al3ayam, most of which build this country and contributed to it, lived together for decades, and the only open-mindness you are talking about is in your head with all do respect, I have friends from all these tribes, and they and their families varied from being conservative to open-minded and it didn’t depend on their origin of profession.

        The only link conservatism and close-mindness I could make out is to tribes who were brought in to Qatar as labor needed after the commercialization of oil, which were mainly bado from Al-Sharqeya, illiterate, uneducated, extremist, and the one with differences to those who were already in Qatar, they were also responsible for the back wave of the societal tolerance into a salafi mentality which was characterized by making religion about gentalia and not morals, meaning it’s okay to steal from public money and use was6a but its not okay to see a woman’s ankle, making us a shallow society! And those tribes the only thing they associated to were some tribes here in some cases to common origin or historical truces, which they propagated and promoted heavily so they could get married to these tribes and obtain jobs. I hope this is not the difference you are propagating.

  6. G said,

    This is why I call our marriages horse breeding, and it’s not just a Qatari issue. We get married to breed “perfect” children (forget the vicious genetic diseases).

    I remember when I was 10/11 sitting around my mother and her friends as they discussed their friend’s daughter’s marriage. She had married “beneath” her. They might as well have been discussing her death. Seriously, the air in the room was that thick.

    Frankly, we’ve been programmed to accept it to the extent that the the insanity/cruelty of it all barely even registers.

  7. G said,

    Ugh. WordPress ate half my comment.

    The sick thing is that I sorta blame the girl. Most of us have been programmed to identify last names appropriateness fast enough to save ourselves the heartache. How old is she? And how has she lived long enough to be working and not realize that her parents are strict when it comes to مواخيذهم?

    You’re racist, we’re racist, everyone’s racist. We live in diseased societies, a few courageous souls choose to fight it, the rest of us aren’t willing to go through the drama.

    C’est la vie.

    • Qatari Guy said,

      Absolutely NOT “diseased”, but a society governed by rules and as long as we agree to live in this society, we should obey these rules, or otherwise endure the consequences, which again, will be imposed by the society — I am not say this is fair.

      Look at the history of those who fought and conquered, if you think it worth the try, go ahead, but know that it is your life what you are bargaining on.

      • Homme Du Qatar said,

        And if these rules are tearing us apart, making us an easy prey for who is worth it or not (elly yesswa we elly ma yesswa), and these rules are not improving the life conditions of its own citizens, and if these rules are contrary to that of humanity and heavenly ordained ones, unjust, illogical, and if anything they are harmful and only beneficial for a certain class of people would you agree to that? you are talking about ‘endure the consequences’ like these are taboos which are only games set by certain people, funny thing the same ones who promotes them break them in secrecy..

  8. Bleu said,

    I don’t think I am(maybe), but for society as a whole,

    YES WE ARE!

    Especially when it comes to marriage.

  9. Qatari Guy said,

    Homme Du Qatar, it seems that you are (yet again) missing my point. First of all, i didn’t say ‘same tradition’, ‘different life’ style, i said different traditions and different life style because traditions is what builds the life style, so if one is different, the other logically is too. Again and again and again and for the 100 time, i am not saying one life style is better than the other, i am saying they are different, each has its pluses and minuses. You asked for examples of these life style sides that are considered very acceptable by most other tribes but not for the arab ones, and here are a few: co-education, co-working and anything have to do with mixed environment or traveling without ma7ram, and you got the idea. Now i understand that this is very acceptable for many arabs too today, but i am talking about the more conservative ones — also i know that some non arabs are that conservatives, but they are few.

    Well, we are living in an open society where cooperation between the different genders is a must and i am not saying that the rules that some arab tribes are living by are totally true or totally wrong, i am just saying this is how their mentalities are fixed and it is very very hard to change it, as i said because this is how they are raised on, and if you try to change it, i assure you it will backfire on you, you will just need to accept it as it is.

    You raised a very interesting point which proves you inability to understand my argument. it is undeniably true that the none arab tribes are the ones who revolutionized our economy and we all owe them for this, we all lived together and made friends with each other, but that doesn’t mean that we share the same beliefs and roots, and this doesn’t make us better than them of course.

    If you think what i am saying has no basis in reality, then it is really your problem that you are not aware of what is happening around you, but you will probably find out one day, when you grow up, perhaps, and open your eyes to the reality that you think doesn’t exist.

    And regarding your other comment, if you think that these rules are so bad and we are being teared off because of them, then fine don’t follow them and don’t live this society, choose a different place that would suites your beliefs, the world is not a small place, is it? Listen, you need to respect our society, even if you think it is not totally right (and know that this just your opinion, many others have a contrary one). OR, wait for a few tens of decads and let life change what you think is wrong (and it probably will), but you will be dead by then, so you better learn to live with it because you can affect individuals or at most groups of people, but not the whole scoeity , and believe me, there are people here that are totally and utterly ‘unchangeable’.

  10. Rajasekhar said,

    Funny, So this problem is ubiquitous🙂
    I only thought these kind of issues exist only in conservative hindu families in india🙂
    We don’t marry from a different caste, a different religion, who speak a different language, who are from a different geographic location, and what not.

  11. Homme Du Qatar said,

    I don’t know Qatari Guy, about the subjects you pointed out.. co-education, co-working and anything have to do with mixed environment or traveling without ma7ram, and you got the idea…. with a big doubt in yourself, conservative people like to claim but when it comes to practice today is another thing, when I enter QP for example, there are both badow tribes, hewella tribes, 3ajam tribes, and isn’t the emir and his wife ( which are arabs to your standards) are co-working promoting co-education with Qatar Foundation, and the rise of women in our society.. it’s only when Wahhbism got imported from Saudi in the 80s, and the reaction to an extreme Shi’aa wave from Iran that those ‘conservative’ made it an issue of genitals, ( الشرف is from the waist down ) and not about integrity, equality, justice, social development..!! you want to put a cap on women and lock them at home or something? and if you want to talk about the best of all arabs and the purest, is the prophet (pbuh), didn’t he promote women to work with men, at wars when they were helping the wounded ones, in farming and hand crafts, even his wife was a successful business woman, isn’t she arab, best than all those who claim to be ‘superior’.. totally true or wrong, can you make you mind up, cause indecision is the seeds of fear, I don’t have problem if any tribe is conservative, regardless of tribe name, but the problem remains PREJUDICE, ignorance, and a wish that human would stop evolving into a monkey, when they claim that they are better because of their conservative life styles, ideas, mentalities and all other synonymous you could find in MS word.. you can’t understand the problem if you don’t know its roots, and its diffenetly not the behavior our Arabic prophet promoted, they link purity of blood to conservatism, which they link to their testiculs rather than true faith and being honest and hard working people. do you really think that the prophet would have argued what is more important women rights to work and make a living or if the abbaya or neqab is appropiate.. funny thing how those so called conservative have little understanding of religon and they claim superiority of this. I’m not trying to change anyone, they can all set themselves on fire and get casted to hell, but if there is something I don’t agree on, I will say it even if you or the so called conservatives prejudice don’t like it.

    you lack knowledges of tribes, when you said non arabs, and at point you made earlier you said that most of these tribes were here before new ones came from the Arabian peninsula.. you are confused about who built this country, it was a mixture of all badow, hewilla, 7athar, hel alba7ar, 3ajam, She3ah, and they all contributed in a way or another.. it’s better sometimes to say I don’t know rather than forming an opinion based on other people’s opinion.

    You are making me laugh, actually I’m being too realistic you hate to admit it, and you are the one who would like to keep your eyes shut and stay living in the prejudice past and its hypocritical roots. if you can’t use logic or philosophy in your response, just don’t answer back with ‘it’s your problem’, that’s just childish on your behalf, and I’m trying to help you for future topics.
    I don’t follow them, are you kidding me, I refuse to be part of this whole stupid game of the sexually frustrated sexist and prejudice folks.

    who the hell you think you are for telling me to go live in a different society, are you superior, do you believe that, if anything all your comments point out the seeds of racism and prejudice in you. you really need to take a hard look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, does this gives you the right to tell me something like that, you are quite ridiculous, and besides what did you contribute to the building of this country besides hindering its development with your prejudice ideas? you and your type are the ones who will be forced to leave, I know a very good place for you called Ryad ( with respect to my family there ) you should check it, it definitely suites your taste, and not us Qataris. So, if I see something wrong with our society I should shut up and swallow your BS (excuse my French!!) again you sound like I’m on some sort of a mission to the rescue, I really admire that you admire my comments, but I will not rescue scumbags and dispicable racist arrogant folks, whether they were badow, hewilla, 3ajam, sunnah, or shi3ah.. arrogance is not an excuse for prejudice and you who is educated abroad should know what I’m talking about it.

    A prejudice is a preconceived belief, opinion, or judgment toward a group of people characterized by their race, social class, gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, age, disability or religion

    • Qatari Guy said,

      I think your mind is so twisted and stupid that it will take ages to learn how to correctly interpret what people say, a time longer than your physical age. I don’t see this argument going anywhere and i really don’t have time to waste with someone like you who i really don’t care about. I didn’t read your whole reply, and i won’t bother doing so because from what i read you are making really stupid interpretation to what i said or mean. I tried my best to say that people have different life styles that can’t be bent on each other, i didn’t say these life styles are right or wrong, but you being an idiot doesn’t really help your small and short sighted mind understand, and i don’t think this is something can be fixed. I am done here.

      • Qatari Guy said,

        And apologies Mimiz for making your blog a battle field, but it seems that whenever this subject comes in, this is what it ends up with.

      • Homme Du Qatar said,

        I don’t think but I know that my mind is too complex and yours is in its primitive form.. I know that you are selfish in your behavior and live as a burden on our society, but it’s okay we have social programs for arrogant people like you, it’s called public sector, we can hire you soon if you apply now. I think you just want to hear what you want to hear, and that’s your idiot single close simple minded. Before judging my comments again, you should recheck your facts and try to finish or listen, it might open your eyes or in your case fill a big whole in your empty brain. really, I’m glade this is over too, I thought you still needed to repeat your own words with a different order.

        I have nothing but respect and admiration for Mimiz and thank you for your blog and topic, it is so much fun. But I do apologize for myself for trying to talk to a someone who have low values and prefer living in a prejudice society that serves only his own interest, sorry me, and much sorry myself for trying to talk to racist and extremist, but hey it’s just for fun.

  12. Shakti Shetty said,

    Good article… racism has its way in most societies…. that’s the sad part…

  13. Soso said,

    I don’t get the whole thing about arab tribes in qatar think they are better so they need to be more conservative with women, so why do they think they are better and why do they need to be more conservative?

  14. LMF said,

    Mimiz: Interesting topic, but usually leading to useless and racist discussions

    Homme Du Qatar: You talk to much and make a lot of aggressive, offensive and ridicules arguments, which make your responses full of ‘crap’. Learn to express yourself in shorter and smoother form so you don’t bore or offend anyone.

    Qatari Guy: you are the wrong man at the wrong time, we aren’t living in the 60’s any more, wake up, we are in 2009 so you need to loosen it a bit.

  15. Homme Du Qatar said,

    LMF, why don’t you enlighten us with a shorter and smoother response without being offensive to me with your ‘crap’ comment or anyone? practice what you preach

  16. mimizwords said,

    WOW What is happening here! Let me read and get back to each one of you! I know that one day without internet connection will make me miss on things! but I certainly didnt expect that.

    Peace everyone, give me sometime to reply

  17. mimizwords said,

    These kind of mentality, where people thing they are better than others because they have purer blood or superior traditions are living in the mentality of Aljahilia. While they say it is Islamic to do this and that, they forget other important Islamic things, such as what the prophet said
    (لافرق بين عربي ولا اعجمي اللا بالتقوى)
    you know the hadith, don’t you? They have taught us this in school. Yet, society chooses to ignore what doesn’t fit with its jahilia mentality.
    Rejecting someone for these reasons is purely un-Islamic. I am not religious myself, but if people keep shoving religion into everything, why don’t they when it comes to this?
    Isn’t it hypocritical that we live with each other, make friends with each other, but when it comes to marriage, no they are not our friends anymore.
    I wish Sarah marries the guy, because they are a perfect match and there is no reasonable or ethical reason for thinking that this marriage is invalid.

    Homme Du Qatar and Qatari Guy
    Thank you both for making this interesting and representing different views. There was no need however to insult each other. So peace ok!

    Homme Du Qatar
    I agree with what you said, and I like the fact that you have referenced from history, showing the truth about how things were.

    B
    I agree with you as well, and thank you for your contribution.

    Qatari Guy
    Thank you for your efforts. I can see that you want to explain how things really are in the society, and you are correct in what you said. But my mindset agrees more with what others have said. Correct me if I am wrong, but from what I understood, you said that people from different races or origins wont have happy successful marriages because they have different traditions, then you gave an example of co-ed environment. The first thing that came to my mind is our ruling family, didn’t their daughters study in co-ed environment, here and abroad? Don’t they go on TV and press and in some occasions without a head scarf? Don’t they work in co-ed environment? Or are they an exception? I think what the ruling family is trying to do is to take people out of this jahilia mindset.
    Society rules are not always correct. It was the rule in Aljahilia to kill girls once they are born. We just have a different level of retarded rules, do you think we should follow them? As one of my friends would say “same shit different story”
    However, what I would like to know is your thoughts on this: since traditions seems to be your main argument, would marriage be valid between Arab and Hiwila in the eyes of society if the Hiwila tribe was even more conservative than the Arab one?

    Gha,
    I totally agree with you dear.

    Angie,
    I think Sarah should marry Ahmed too.

    G
    Why blame the girl? Poor girl, she wants to be happy. If the guy was worth it, she should marry him. Why suffer a miserable marriage with someone who is a loser in everything, but he has pure blood, while she has the option to live a happy marriage with someone who has what she wants. I am saying this because I know her, and the guy, and someone who is from a pure blood who wants to marry her but he is a complete loser. Is pure blood going to give her a happy marriage?
    Rajasekhar
    The cast system is much more complicated, I remember we studied it for 3 months at uni, but yeah, it is more or less the same here.

    Soso,
    I really don’t know the answer to this.

    LMF
    LOL why did you use insulting words to describe HDQ argument while you were criticizing him of being insulting.

  18. LMF said,

    I hope that you are not saying head scarf (7ejab) is a sign of jahilia while taking it off is a sign of modernism.

  19. intlxpatr said,

    Mimi, I am confused. In the end, for the love of their daughter, didn’t the parents sort of reluctantly agree to entertain the idea of this marriage?

    There may be some middle ground here. Other than seeing each other at work, and learning how one another interacts – at work – Sara and Ahmed don’t know one another very well. Can they find a way to get acquainted with parental supervision? And how about Ahmad”s family, don’t they have a say in this, too?

    I am not racist, and family cultures can be very different, discouragingly so. People who choose to marry across the lines – and I know many – often stay married for a very long time because . . . LOL . . . they never want to admit how very very difficult it can be.

    Kudos for your fearless exposure of another sensitive topic.

    • mimizwords said,

      The thing is, her parents are so kind they did not want to break her heart, but at the same time they had to face the whole society. The couple are actually together, and will go on with their plans for getting married. The man’s family has no problem, its the girl’s family that is feeling sensitive, because a man can marry anyone he wants, but the girl cant, and that is because her children will be carrying their father’s name.

      The truth is that in doha, everyone has a secret life.

      • intlxpatr said,

        I heard this also in Kuwait, often, that what goes on underneath the surface appearance is unbelievable.

        I am delighted to know that Sarah and Ahmed are pursuing their plans, and that while her family may not be joyful, at least they are not standing in the way. It’s kind of cool, facing obstacles at the beginning, rather than finding yourself married to someone you thought you knew, and who has surprised you badly.

  20. I CARE said,

    Homme Du Qatar .. duuuuude, who are you? i think i kinda have a wild guess
    🙂 points well said, bro.

    not gonna say my opinion since there is no use of repeating what others have said.

  21. Homme Du Qatar said,

    lol.. I CARE, I don’t think we’ve met, but you never if the world is a small place, Qatar is a tiny village, hint : villagio maybe!? yalla, let’s meet for coffee sometimes, make sure not to bring Qatari Guy and his friend LMF, hypocrites need to go to the back to the end of the line, cause it’s a freakin’ long one in Doha.. lol
    First answer the trick question : what do you think of the work of Tallal Al-Rashin and Dallal Al-Khlifi..? have you heard of them? ask doctorah Amal, they are our pride in literature and writing, and mashallah, Mimiz is following in their footsteps🙂

  22. LMF said,

    Mimiz, i think you now know who keep poking the other, there was absolutely no need to mention me in your reply to I CARE and call us hypocrite. You are seriously pathetic. It makes me sad to see Qataris being so childish.

    • mimizwords said,

      I am not sure what you are talking about .. When did I mention you to I care? the only thing I have addressed you with was the following

      ” LOL why did you use insulting words to describe HDQ argument while you were criticizing him of being insulting”

      • LMF said,

        Whoa mimiz take it easy, i certainly wasn’t addressing this for you, i was addressing it to the disgusting Homme Du Qatar, he is the one who called me hypocrite in his previous reply to I CARE for no reason. I was just asking you to see who is poking the other.

        You are way too nice and civilized in your responses and arguments, why would i call you pathetic! In fact, you’re my cyber-heroine, and i have been a fan for awhile.

  23. I CARE said,

    let’s keep fighting

  24. S B K said,

    This whole blog lead as to one point , we live inone of the most Racist country in the Gulf, tradtions keep them still close minded or to say more ” Racist “,
    when I hear this sentences that this family is not supose to marry from thisfamily , this girls family are already “booked” for their cousins blaa blaa blaa, I got to the point that this will never end .. there are some special cases where you can find XXX family marying XYZ family not mention that they might also be third or foruth couisns.

    this topic is intresting and has a lot of real life points.

    thanks Mimi ..

    (لافرق بين عربي ولا اعجمي اللا بالتقوى)

    Regards,
    S B K

    • mimizwords said,

      Babe … I love you

      • sajjad sheikh said,

        hehehe its nice. what u said SBK… parents never taught just for a while also what my daughter likes…

        if a guy wants to marry a other religion girl also its ok.. they will make her wear scarf and just go on with it…

        hehehehe.

  25. Homme Du Qatar said,

    Here is some scientific explanation about inbreeding and consanguinity, I think its very important for those who could relate to the subject above, and especially for those who approve of this practice.

    “The offspring of consanguinous relationships are at greater risk of certain genetic disorders. Autosomal recessive disorders occur in individuals who are homozygous for a particular recessive gene mutation. This means that they carry two copies (alleles) of the same gene. Except in certain rare circumstances (new mutations or uniparental disomy) both parents of an individual with such a disorder will be carriers of the gene. Such carriers are not affected and will not display any signs that they are carriers, and so may be unaware that they carry the mutated gene. As relatives share a proportion of their genes, it is much more likely that related parents will be carriers of an autosomal recessive gene, and therefore their children are at a higher risk of an autosomal recessive disorder. The extent to which the risk increases depends on the degree of genetic relationship between the parents; so the risk is greater in mating relationships where the parents are close relatives, but for relationships between more distant relatives, such as second cousins, the risk is lower although still greater than the general population.

    In April 2002, the Journal of Genetic Counseling released a report authored by a team of scientists led by Robin L. Bennett, a genetic counselorat the University of Washington and the president of the National Society of Genetic Counselors, which showed that the potential risk of birth defects in a child born of first cousins was slightly higher than the risk associated with a non-cousin couple. The report estimated the increased risk for first cousins at 1.7 – 2.8 % over the base risk of about 3%, or about the same as that of any woman over age 40, or of a still younger man (see paternal age). Put differently, first-cousin marriages entail roughly the same increased risk of birth defects as a woman faces when she gives birth at age 41 (roughly 6%) rather than at 30 (roughly 3%). Critics argue that banning first-cousin marriages would make as much sense as trying to ban childbearing by older women. These numbers were reported only for first instances of cousin mating; repeated generations of cousin coupling are thought to increase the risk substantially.
    A BBC report studied Pakistanis in Britain, 55% of whom marry a first cousin. Given the high rate of such marriages, many children come from repeat generations of first-cousin marriages. These children are 13 times more likely than the general population to produce children with genetic disorders. One in ten children of cousin marriages either dies in infancy or develops a serious disability. Thus Pakistani-Britons, who account for some 3% of all births in the UK, produce “just under a third” of all British children with genetic illnesses.

    The BBC story contained an interview with Myra Ali, who is the product of at least two generations of Pakistani cousin marriages (and possibly three). She has a very rare recessive genetic condition, known as Epidermolysis bullosa which will cause her to lead a life of extreme physical suffering, limited human contact and probably an early death from skin cancer. Knowing that cousin marriages increase the probability of recessive genetic conditions, she is understandably against the practice.”

  26. Khalifa said,

    3afya 3alaich.

    It’s sad what we see in our country in terms of Racism and discrimination.

    I had commented on an article before (see here http://blog.iloveqatar.net/wp-admin/post.php?action=edit&post=27 )

    I’m so glad to see that there are other vocal people trying to make Qatar a better place!

    Inshallah yom min al ayam bin choof il link mal mawqi3ee 3ala your site😀

    • mimizwords said,

      Hi there

      Thank you for your encouragement 🙂

      I couldnt open the link you posted

  27. mimizwords said,

    Hey people … I appreciate everyone’s comments but I would appreciate it more if we didnt insult each other, so lets keep it civilized ok .. thank you

  28. Aafke said,

    A ”bloodline” is better preserved, and certainly more healthier and more intelligent, and less prone to hereditary diseases if you do not marry within the family but ”breed” with a very diverse ”stock”.

    And any family is better off when compatible people who love each other marry happily and have a stable marriage.
    I hope Sarah and Achmed will prove everybody who is against mixing ”pure” bloodlines wrong and have a long, very happy marriage and lovely intelligent children.

  29. Sajjad Sheikh said,

    hi how r u.. its nice to read and its fact what u said.
    but mimi i will tell u one thing.. what ur fren’s parents did was completely wrong i belive when he is from same caste then i think they should have gone forward..

    they were as they were looking for brandname. exactly like u wont get normal clothes even though how beautiful it is u will say ahh not good. cos u have not heard those brand name in ads.

    u cant blame ur parents in that way also cos they love u the most and always dream and wish the best… now u parents have decided to get u a merc benz and later u tell them that u r in love in nissan sunny or corollo. that will hurt feelings.. i cannot compare cars to human

  30. nur said,

    well its scientifically proven that if you widen your gene pool, the better it is for humanity because of the hereditary diseases involved if you just stick to one specific stock and Allah did say in the Quraan that He made us all into tribes and nations for us to KNOW one another…and what’s wrong with having Persian blood anyways or any other…what did Rasulullah say in his Farewell Sermon!

    “O people! Verily your Lord is one and your father is one. All of you belong to one ancestry of Adam and Adam was created out of clay. There is no superiority for an Arab over a non-Arab and for a non-Arab over an Arab; or for white over the black or for the black over the white except in piety. ‘Verily the noblest among you is he who is the most pious.”

    if your folks are going for family-name sakes -well, you can’t guarantee for example all those who are related to Rasulullah s.a.w particularly in this day and age possess such noble qualities as Rasulullah did…

    sarah and ahmed should go for it

  31. ambien said,

    Your post features verified helpful to myself. It’s very helpful
    and you are certainly very well-informed in this region. You have opened up our sight for you to numerous views on this matter with interesting and solid content material.

  32. nedal said,

    It’s only in Qatar. It’s us (arabs) that’s why we are a thrid world we care about our traditions more than our religion. When these is a crossover between the 2 we follow our traditions which was set up by unknown people 100 years ago. I really wish if could implement islam in our life not only masjids. We believe Allah almighty is our judge but we act like the people who live arounds us are the judges. This is really messed up and I, myslef fight traditions every chance I get even though I anger 60 years olds people its fine by me cause your time has passed and my time is now u took what was yours let me take what’s mine.
    This is what I think and best of luck to the girl

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: