Diary

March 10, 2010 at 12:56 am (1, Diary, Everyday life situations, Just a thought ...)

It’s late at night and I can’t fall asleep. I was very tired today and slept for 2 hours during the afternoon. I am frightened from this apartment I am living in; I keep having nightmares about people breaking in. I wake up not knowing if these dreams were true or not, it takes me few minutes to calm down and realize it was a dream. The mailman buzzed the other day and I didn’t answer. He buzzed again and I thought ‘Who would visit me now, it must be a mistake’. When he buzzed for the third time I answered ‘ who is it’. He said ‘mailman’. I buzzed him in, but how would I know he was the mailman, he could be someone pretending to be the mailman and once I open the door he will force himself in. So I go to the kitchen and look for that big Ikea knife, the sharpest I have. For some reason I clean it! I hold it in my left hand and hide it behind my back, I answer the door and the mailman delivers a parcel and leaves. My heart is still beating fast, and I do not comprehend that there is a parcel between my hands. I take few minutes to calm down, to realize that I am still alive and that the mailman didn’t kill me. ‘What is this?’ I wonder. I open it and it’s a gift!

The boiler is making noises and I jump every time I hear something. I stare at the kitchen window which is very big and think it would be very easy to break in through it. I check behind the sofas, under the bed before I sleep. There isn’t enough space for a killer to hide anyway! Double check that everything is safe, and fall again into my nightmares. I don’t know if these are dreams, I swear they are so real. I wake up feeling confused and continue dreaming but with my eyes open. I feel like I am floating, not really living, I do things without being aware that I am doing them. My mind is not with me, it’s like my soul is in another world and my body is functioning here by itself. And that music makes me float even more. And I like not being here. I like that I am somehow in my own world, no one knows where my soul really is. I only come to my senses when I eat, because I truly enjoy the taste of delicious food in my mouth. Only during these moments that my mind comes back to reality. The day ends and I continue dreaming with my eyes shut. The only constant thing between the dream, the food and the dream is the thought of you, and your perfume on the teddy bear.

12 Comments

  1. Qatari said,

    Marriage symptoms. When you have the chance, don’t waste it.

    • mimizwords said,

      Hahahahhahahhahahha Qatari you are so funny! you think so? hmmm maybe

      • Qatari said,

        I am serious, these are signs that the next big chapter of your life is about to begin, then hopefully Mr. Right will come out of nowhere and rescue you.. And yes, this not a fairy tale. As I said, when this happens, don’t waste it, because it only happens once.

  2. aBa meet’s world said,

    as scary & as frightening as this is , i still can’t help but laugh when you mentioned the ikea knife , i can’t really see how this has anything to do with marriage or marriage symptoms , it’s just a phase we all go through phases like this , if this is a message trying to warn you of something happening , you should read the book that translates dreams & see what it means , i mean other than it being a phase it could be you over-stressing your self .
    the best thing you can do is pray & ask god for help & to stay in touch with those who care , where’s the always confident meme ?

  3. Ashlee said,

    Maybe it’s time to invest in a good alarm system or visit a psychiatrist!

  4. mimizwords said,

    Qatari

    I am a big girl, I don’t need rescuing😦
    but also I am a lucky girl,
    and I also believe in fairy tales
    and my Mr so perfectly right is so perfectly right🙂

    ABA
    my favorite person in the world .. ,miss you so much … Maybe you are too young to understand what Qatari is talking about .. but you are also right, I guess its a phase, life is just going from once phase to another ., init bro? your mimi is still strong🙂

    Ashlee
    I was actually considering investing in a good alarm system .. but my current alarm system is the big Ikea knife hidden under the bed in an accessible place hahahahah

  5. onnath said,

    Imagine you are not alone. You are always surrounded by people who loves you. Talk to them, make fun with them. When mailman knocks, ask one of them to collect it for you. Since they are busy, you go and collect it. Record the some of the good conversations you have with your loved ones in your phone. Play it in your music system while alone. It will make you & people outside feel you are not alone.

  6. Qatari said,

    There is no such thing as big girl, no matter how tough you are, you will eventually need to lean on somebody, it is the nature of human beings.

  7. sardar said,

    Man do some Sadakah (Alms) . the best thing i suggest

  8. Homme Du Qatar said,

    Mimi, I can’t agree more with aBa about the ikea knife, if I was the mailman, I’d be the one scared from you. If you have nightmares, a trick someone taught me, try massaging your feet with warm sesame oil, you’ll sleep like a baby. And since you don’t feel comfortable buzzing someone in, just go to the main door yourself, and don’t forget the knife in your hand. For your windows, buy a curtain from ikea instead of more knifes, it’ll grant you some privacy and a sense of security. Make sure to ask the caretaker to install them for you since you are a delicate lady. As for your dream state of reality, I think it’s time you change your routine, if you can’t simply mix it up. My philosophy is to eat the ugly frog first, meaning do the hardest thing early morning and the easy or relaxing things in the evening, and at night you will have a restful sleep🙂

    As for the rest of the commentators, I hope you practice what you preach!

    • mimizwords said,

      I think there is a much easier solution .. how about you both just come here?

  9. Jasseem said,

    Great writer
    Real feelings

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