Before Bed Time Thoughts

April 4, 2010 at 10:15 pm (Diary, Just a thought ...)

Sometimes I wonder if it’s us or life that has changed. They say there is nothing new under the sun. And I wonder, was Eid really boring for all grownups, and was only exciting for us kids because we were simply kids. Or was it really much nicer and better than now? The joy is different. Sometimes it feels like a burden, to find something new to wear and to visit the 200 relatives you have. Why was it much enjoyable few years back and not now? Why do everyone stay in their Abaya and don’t even bother taking it off inside my grandmother’s house?

I wish I was a kid again sometimes. Everything was less complicated and easy. No responsibilities, no one expecting anything from you but to eat well, play and sleep. Was it because children’s life is simple? Was it because I did not have to cover and watch how I behave and what I say? Was it that the only thing that was not allowed is to draw on the walls or taste sand?

I wonder if we really get more liberated as we grow up. Sometimes I feel that the older I get, the more rules I have to follow. Or the more strains are put upon me. It seems that everything is not allowed, it’s just complicated. If grownups do a mistake, people won’t think it’s cute or funny anymore.

I wish I can just dress up like a little princess, and eat so many cupcakes and extra cheese burgers and play on the streets with girls and boys every day.

This stage of life is difficult. You are not a child, and not fully grownup. You don’t get to play, and you don’t have your full freedom. Once you are too old to enjoy life, people will leave you alone. and so half of your life is wasted trying to follow rules, to please others, and meet their expectations. You must study something smart, like medicine, engineering, law, business, politics. You must get a respectful job. You must get married, you must have kids straight away …. etc! When do we enjoy life? or life should be enjoyed by following these rules … and suddenly you are old!

Who said we have to study these things? What if I wanted to be a pianist, or a makeup artist? An air hostess, a cleaner, a cook? Or nothing at all! What if I didn’t work and spent few years travelling and doing pointless things? Why does it have to be some fancy job at some fancy organization?

We must worry about exams, and then more exams. Then we must worry about the wedding. Then worry about buying a house, then worry about the kids! Hey wait .. I was a kid few years ago, how do I have one now! What did just happen! what are these new feelings? jealousy!

Maybe the only good thing from being a grownup is the pleasure of sex. But is it worth all the trouble really?



  1. I CARE said,

    Eid does feel different now that we grew up. I wish i knew what changed.

    Again, like i always say, things are harder on you in this part of the world because you’re a girl. But society expects demands things from me that I might not want for myself. Not that I don’t enjoy studying engineering, but that’s not what i wanted to be. I still dream about being something else, and I hate this feeling. I was just expected to choose the easiest path that was drawn for me, to be like my father so i can take over his business.

    Who said you have to have one of those jobs? you can still be an artist, musician or anything else. At least you were told that you have to be one of those. Girl, you’re lucky. Some other girl are told that they’ll go to school just so they sit at home and be servants for their husbands. Maybe each husband would need more than one butler, expect that too.

    I’m going to get married sometime soon and I can imagine my mother whining about me not having kids. We just decided that we don’t want kids for the first 5 years or so. So it’s not only society’s call.

    I’m sorry it sucks to be a girl in this part of the world. You’re expected to be like all the other girls, look, talk, wear like they do.

    The good news is you don’t have to raise your children this way. You can give them the chance of being what they want to be. I will do that too. If all of us started the change, you’ll see a society made up of different people and not copies of the same person.

  2. chekz said,

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  3. aBa meet’s world said,

    i’m not sure i can relate , because i want what you have more rewards & more responsibility & more freedom , but it’s heartbreaking when i know this is what you want , to be a kid & to have fun to travel the world & to stick your toes into the sand .

    i wish we could exchange lives for a day , but look at the bright side you’re fulfilling your life’s dream i mean who gets to meet the Queen & who gets to stick up to women’s rights & get the highest grades in history & remain totally fashionable & hot , i mean many people actually envy you , they just want to accomplish 5% of what you did in the last couple of years .

    And you still have years & Decades (inshallah) Ahead of you , imagine ( after a year of hard work in the company ) you are in the Maldives with your favorite brother relaxing on that net thing they hang from palm trees , swaying over a wonderful sandy beach & water so clear you want to brush your teeth with , Fish of all sorts & colors Marine Life peace & quite oh & whats this your brother just bought you an Hermes Coat for when you visit the cold Turkish Mountains then take a Helicopter to Greece & Sky dive into the dead sea in Jordan then Jet right away to Japan ! .


  4. Alberuni said,

    Life can get funny if we get obsessed for being in the norms of culture & tradition. I am not saying we should move away from it, but it should not be taken in such a way that it proves counter productive and controls everyday life.

    Sex is God’s gift to enjoy the creation of life. So its really worth it. Life is never without troubles. There is fun in overcoming it as well.

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