Yes I am tough

July 31, 2010 at 12:54 pm (Diary, Everyday life situations, gender discrimination, Just a thought ..., women, work)

You should be more like a lady he said. You became a little .. how should I say this .. a little rough and too bold for a woman.

Am I less feminine really? Maybe it is true. I see it too. I started putting less makeup and only buying comfortable cloths.  I didn’t do my hair for ages. I can see some violence in my speech and behaviour. It is like I am fighting with the whole world all the time. I shout at anyone who flirts or harasses me. I am ready to hit anyone who approaches me. I almost hit my friend once thinking she was a stranger who wanted to grab my bag.  I am always on alert for any danger; physical or emotional. I am always ready to defend myself from any kind of attack; physical or verbal. I became too honest in what I say that it might hurt others some time.  But why would you blame me because I am only the modern woman of today.

How do you expect me to wear nice dresses and high heels with hair and makeup done when I don’t have time to cook a proper meal for myself? How do you expect me to be gentle and kind when I have to work from morning till night everyday and squeeze myself  between people in buses and trains like a sardine, someone pushing me here and another shoving me there? How do you expect me to be a lady like when I have to deal with nasty people all the time? It is a fight everyday and I am fighting every day. I am tired and I feel a part of me has gone. People around me are taking a bite of me every day and I have to keep on going with whatever I have left. How do you expect me to be lady like when I cannot afford the luxury of staying at home and doing nothing but pampering myself? I am sorry baby but I don’t even have the option of waiting for you at home and welcoming you back with a passionate kiss.

I don’t want to hustle like this every day, but I can’t afford not to. Because men are not men these days. I have to do it all myself and I know I can never depend on a father, a brother or a husband. Maybe men were ‘gawamoon’ but not today baby, not today. Maybe it made sense that men inherit more than women but it doesn’t make sense today baby it doesn’t.

I have to do it all by myself and even better than you so that you don’t point the finger and tell me ‘emotional’. I pay for my rent, my food, my cloths, my tickets, my makeup, my shampoo, my lattes and even the water I drink. After all of this, how would you expect that I won’t become a little bit masculine? How do you expect me to give you all the care and attention you need when I am lacking so much? There isn’t any tenderness left in me. You drained it all out, the world has drained it all out.

I am stronger than you and a hundred man like you. I work twice as hard as you, and then I come back home to take care of the kids, I cook and clean and even wash your cloths. And you really expect me to put on something nice at the end of the day and squeeze the last bit of energy and emotions I have left to give you few seconds of pleasure? oh and not only you ask me to put something nice on, but you actually ask me to buy it. You actually want me to spend the little money I have left to buy something for you to enjoy!

And what do I get back from all of this? All I hear is you comparing me with other more feminine women, how I should take more care of you and give you more time and attention, how I have my priorities wrong, how I became cold. Who is the selfish one here? Who is the cold one here? who is the man here? who is loosing the respect here? I am a human, but I am a super human.

So yes I am tough, I am strong and I will keep fighting. For my education, for my freedom for respect. so just be quiet!

23 Comments

  1. Angie Nader said,

    wow…did you write this?
    its very good!

  2. mimizwords said,

    yes of course I did, its my blog LOL … glad you like it

  3. UmmON said,

    hmm… am sure very few women will be unable to relate to this. good one M.

  4. Kathleen said,

    You go girl. This is reality.

  5. Alberuni said,

    I don’t see anything wrong in expressing his opinion. He has the right to express his desire for less bold and more girly women. Its a matter of personal freedom to choose. You should appreciate his frank comments, since he had the option to be silent.

    • mimizwords said,

      No comment!

  6. S B K said,

    Daaaamn !!

    I seriously enjoyed reading , its like am reading a poem I swear !

    I alos Loved the way of writing this Blog.

  7. Maha said,

    You go girl

  8. Ginger said,

    wow, just WOW !!!!!!
    omg im so related to this, really really really….

    thanx for sharing im making me feel like there are some people who are just like me

  9. Ginger said,

    @Alberuni,
    seriously? lol

  10. Aisha said,

    Mariam, I am speechless! This is by far the one of best articles I’ve read that were written by Qatari girls. Kudos to you for being so strong, courageous, and independent. Please keep inspiring us =)

  11. Daryl said,

    Looks like Qatari girls are obsessed to be stronger and independent than their male folks. Don’t think its a good trend long term.

    • mimizwords said,

      ever wonder why they are obsessed?

  12. suraya said,

    wow…

    …many are in the same boat! all having the same thoughts…you voice it out!

    i like the way you put it!

  13. American Arab Girl said,

    I know what you’re going through. I was told the same thing: I’m not feminine enough. However, because “real men” are in extremely short commodity, it’s women like us who have to be “men”. I also don’t wear make up anymore and I pull my hair back in a pony tail. I wear comfortable clothes and shoes, I keep a mask expression and stiff body language. God forbid I am a little bit feminine because taking care of my own responsibilities in a “feminine” way makes the “men” think that I’m intentionally inviting gropes, looks, passes, etc.

    Be you, be a man, keep that head up! Way to go!!!!!!

  14. mimizwords said,

    Thank you all for your supporting words .. its nice to share these feelings

  15. Islam Al Tayeb said,

    Wow!

  16. KHALiDiSH said,

    nice article and well said

    but you were not fair regarding your topic to men.
    You have provided an idea that men nowadays don’t work and only stays at home and let women to do all the job that you have said.

    the reason why are some women feel like that because they lead them self to that way with help of some men approval. <<< in order to make it easy on them(men).

    women all around the world are asking for their rights and I believe we (in Qatar) gave them all their rights but instead their rights has been taken away when they started to take men jobs and left their main job where they are good at (Home).

    home staying is a job which is hardest job that I think men cannot take or do but it only suited for women because they are hard working and smart… and that is really needed to raise the future generation.

    women used to have only one job and now two, one outside house and one inside…
    women used to live as queen where men demand her needs whenever she want… so men go to work all day and return home to provide the financial security and more for his wife and family and in return women let her man feel like king also when he return from work.

    but when women start taking other jobs outside, men started to feel more comfort to the idea because they feel that women are taking some part out of their shoulder and through it on women, but who asked to do that<<< women

    they put them self in that situation as I can see. but when man refused the idea, women come and said the men are stealing their rights.

    I would like to give an advice if you allow me…. please don't be tough.

    I remember when I used to be with my friends in UK we used to see many gorgeous girls around there but at the end we prefer Arabic or Khaliji girls on them. <<< Why?
    because we found out that their women are tough and don't know how to spoil the man or even men can't spoil them because they gave them an idea that they are like body friend not lovers. (some to be fare)

    but Khaliji girls they have something we like on them which is their "Shyness" <<< men die for shyness girl.🙂

    and thanks for sharing with your thoughts…. I really like what I read.

    Thanks,
    Khalid

    • mimizwords said,

      Khalid

      Believe me .. many women would like to stay home and raise their kids but they cannot afford not to. The luxury of staying at home is not an option for many families especially young couples who are starting fresh. Even if the woman stays at home and treats her man like a king as you say, would he treat her as a queen in return?

      I guess the answer to that depends on each individual. It is hard to generalize on men or women because we do not know what happens behind closed doors.

      I didn’t mean to attack men, I am simply expressing one side of modern life and one kind of men.

      At the end .. we all want to be daloo3at and shy like Halima boland LOL !!

      • KHALiDiSH said,

        hahahaha, we don’t want them all to be Halima Boland….

        well said again and admire what you said and understand that modern life is keeping us from doing our role right…. so we blame the modern life <<< sham on you modern life<<< I'll kill you hahaha

        good replay,
        Khalid

  17. Sarah said,

    I would love to be a housewife. Not because I want to pamper myself, that is not interesting to me, but because I want to be a Home Maker.

    The workplace ain’t that great. Politics… incompetent colleagues and managers (both foreigner and Qatari)…complexity… selfish interests…

    I have the education and career opportunities millions dream of and it has not made me happy. In fact it has had a negative effect on my mental health.

    But God has put me in this position where I am educated, think about the bigger picture and need to earn my own living. So I keep going… and maybe the workplace will always feel unnatural to me but I trust in God to help me every step of the way.

  18. Jasseem said,

    Hats Off
    amazing Blog!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Keep Bloging

  19. Dr. said,

    Tried to keep this for me but since this article is relevant I am gonna say it:
    I saw a picture of you with your hair growing white and was astonished. Hoep it was the camera flash!

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